Consciousness of acceptance

 “I come now to your particular objections. I begin with the subject of your third charge,—assurances; because what I have to say upon this head will be comprised in few words. Some are fond of the expression: I am not; I hardly ever use it. 

“But I will simply declare (having neither leisure nor inclination to draw the saw of controversy concerning it) what are my present sentiments with regard to the thing which is usually meant thereby.

“I believe a few, but very few, Christians have an assurance from God of everlasting salvation; and that is the thing which the Apostle terms the plerophory or full assurance of hope.

“I believe more have such an assurance of being now in the favour of God as excludes all doubt and fear. And this, if I do not mistake, the Apostle means by the plerophory or full assurance of faith.

“I believe a consciousness of being in the favour of God (which I do not term plerophory, or full assurance, since it is frequently weakened, nay, perhaps interrupted, by returns of doubt or fear) is the common privilege of Christians, fearing God and working righteousness.

“Yet I do not affirm there are no exceptions to this general rule. Possibly some may be in the favour of God, and yet go mourning all the day long. But I believe this is usually owing either to disorder of body, or ignorance of the Gospel promises.

“Therefore I have not for many years thought a consciousness of acceptance to be essential to justifying faith.” ~ John Wesley

Wesley, John. 1872. The Works of John Wesley. Third Edition. Vol. 14. London: Wesleyan Methodist Book Room.

Enthusiasm from end to end

John Wesley's journal, November 24, 1739.  "We accepted an invitation to Exeter from one who came thence to comfort my sister in her affliction. And on Sunday the 25th (Mr. D. having desired the pulpit, which was readily granted both for the morning and afternoon), I preached at St. Mary’s, on ‘The kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.’ 

"Dr. W-- told me after sermon, ‘Sir, you must not preach in the afternoon.’ ‘Not,’ said he, ‘that you preach any false doctrine. I allow all that you have said is true. And it is the doctrine of the Church of England. But it is not guarded. It is dangerous. It may lead people into enthusiasm or despair.’ 

"I did not readily see where the stress of this objection (so frequently started) lay. But upon a little reflection, I saw it plain. The real state of the case is this: religion is commonly thought to consist of three things - harmlessness, using the means of grace, and doing good, as it is called; that is, helping our neighbours, chiefly by giving alms. Accordingly, by a religious man is commonly meant one that is honest, just, and fair in his dealings; that is constantly at church and sacrament; and that gives much alms, or (as it is usually termed) does much good. 

"Now, in explaining those words of the Apostle, ‘The kingdom of God’ (or true religion, the consequence of God’s dwelling and reigning in the soul) ‘is not meat and drink,’ I was necessarily led to show that religion does not properly consist in any or all of these three things; but that a man might both be harmless, use the means of grace, and do much good, and yet have no true religion at all. And sure it is, had God then impressed this great truth on any who before was ignorant of it, that impression would have occasioned such heaviness in his soul as the world always terms despair. 

"Again, in explaining those words, ‘The kingdom of God’ (or true religion) ‘is righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost,’ I insisted that every follower of Christ ought to expect and pray for that ‘peace of God which passeth all understanding,’ that ‘rejoicing in hope of the glory of God,’ which is even now ‘unspeakable and full of glory’; and above all (as being the very life and soul of religion, without which it is all dead show), ‘the love of God shed abroad in’ his ‘heart by the Holy Ghost given unto him.’ 

"But all this is ‘enthusiasm from end to end’ to those who have the form of godliness but not the power. I know, indeed, there is a way of explaining these texts so that they shall mean just nothing; so that they shall express far less of inward religion than the writings of Plato or Heraclitus. and whoever ‘guards’ them thus (but God forbid I should do it) will undoubtedly avoid all danger of either driving people into this despair or leading them into this enthusiasm." ~ John Wesley

John Wesley, The Journal of the Rev. John Wesley, ed. Nehemiah Curnock, vol. 2 (London: Robert Culley; Charles H. Kelly, 1909–1916), 321–322.

Most glorious day

January 25, 1736. “At seven I went to the Germans. I had long before observed the great seriousness of their behaviour. Of their humility they had given a continual proof, by performing those servile offices for the other passengers, which none of the English would undertake; for which they desired, and would receive no pay, saying, “it was good for their proud hearts,” and “their loving Saviour had done more for them.” And every day had given them occasion of showing a meekness which no injury could move. If they were pushed, struck, or thrown down, they rose again and went away; but no complaint was found in their mouth. 

“There was now an opportunity of trying whether they were delivered from the spirit of fear, as well as from that of pride, anger, and revenge. In the midst of the psalm wherewith their service began, the sea broke over, split the main-sail in pieces, covered the ship, and poured in between the decks, as if the great deep had already swallowed us up. A terrible screaming began among the English. The Germans calmly sung on. I asked one of them afterwards, “Was you not afraid?” He answered, “I thank God, no.” I asked, “But were not your women and children afraid?” He replied, mildly, “No; our women and children are not afraid to die.”

“From them I went to their crying, trembling neighbours, and pointed out to them the difference in the hour of trial, between him that feareth God, and him that feareth him not. At twelve the wind fell. This was the most glorious day which I have hitherto seen.” ~ John Wesley

Fundamental Early Methodist Doctrines

 1) The “new birth” is an unmistakable supernatural transformation that is associated with the “faith of assurance”.

2) It is possible for people that have not yet received the “faith of assurance” to nevertheless possess the “faith of a servant” and be “servants of God”.

3) Romans 7 describes what life is like for “servants of God”.  This is a key doctrine that cannot be abandoned without risking fatal spiritual confusion.  

4) It is possible for people to have “saving faith” as a “servant of God” and not yet be born again as a “son of God”. 

Definitive proof for the above assertions can be found in other posts on this blog.

Dominion over sin and constant peace

The following passage from John Wesley’s journal is quite instructive.  Note his exceptional spiritual and intellectual honesty. 

“In my return to England, January 1738, being in imminent danger of death, and very uneasy on that account, I was strongly convinced that the cause of that uneasiness was unbelief; and that the gaining a true, living faith was the ‘one thing needful’ for me. But still I fixed not this faith on its right object: I meant only faith in God, not faith in or through Christ. Again, I knew not that I was wholly void of this faith; but only thought I had not enough of it. 

So that when Peter Böhler, whom God prepared for me as soon as I came to London, affirmed of true faith in Christ (which is but one) that it had those two fruits inseparably attending it, ‘dominion over sin and constant peace from a sense of forgiveness,’ I was quite amazed, and looked upon it as a new gospel. If this was so, it was clear I had not faith. 

But I was not willing to be convinced of this. Therefore I disputed with all my might, and laboured to prove that faith might be where these were not: for all the scriptures relating to this I had been long since taught to construe away; and to call all Presbyterians who spoke otherwise. Besides, I well saw no one could, in the nature of things, have such a sense of forgiveness, and not feel it. But I felt it not. If, then, there was no faith without this, all my pretensions to faith dropped at once.”

Wesley, John. 1909–1916. The Journal of the Rev. John Wesley. Edited by Nehemiah Curnock. Vol. 1. London: Robert Culley; Charles H. Kelly.

Is justifying faith a sense of pardon? No.

July 31, 1747

Dear Brother (Charles Wesley),

Yesterday I was thinking on a desideratum among us, a genesis problematica on justifying faith. A skeleton of it, (which you may fill up, or any one that has leisure,) I have roughly set down:

Is justifying faith a sense of pardon? Negatur (it is denied)

1. Every one is deeply concerned to understand this question well: But Preachers most of all; lest they either make them sad whom God hath not made sad, or encourage them to say, Peace, where there is no peace.

Some years ago we heard nothing of justifying faith, or a sense of pardon; so that when we did hear of them, the theme was quite new to us; and we might easily, especially in the heat and hurry of controversy, lean too much either to the one hand or to the other.

2. By “justifying faith,” I mean that faith which whosoever hath not is under the wrath and the curse of God. By “a sense of pardon,” I mean a distinct, explicit assurance that my sins are forgiven.

I allow, (1.) That there is such an explicit assurance. (2.) That it is the common privilege of real Christians. (3.) That it is the proper Christian faith, which “purifieth the heart,” and “overcometh the world.”

But I cannot allow, that justifying faith is such an assurance, or necessarily connected therewith.

3. Because, if justifying faith necessarily implies such an explicit assurance of pardon, then every one who has it not, and every one so long as he has it not, is under the wrath and under the curse of God. But this is a supposition contrary to Scripture, as well as to experience.

Contrary to Scripture; to Isaiah 50:10: “Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord, and stay upon his God.”

Contrary to Acts 10:34, 35: “Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons; but in every nation he that feareth God, and worketh righteousness, is accepted with him.”

Contrary to experience; for J. R., &c., &c., had peace with God, no fear, no doubt, before they had that sense of pardon. And so have I frequently had.

Again: The assertion, “that justifying faith is a sense of pardon,” is contrary to reason: It is flatly absurd. For how can a sense of our having received pardon be the condition of our receiving it?

4. If you object, (1.) “J. T., St. Paul, &c., had this sense:” I grant they had: But they were justified, or rather had justifying faith, before they had it. (2.) “We know fifteen hundred persons who have this assurance.” Perhaps so: But this does not prove, they had not justifying faith till they received it. (3.) “We have been exceedingly blessed in preaching this doctrine.” We have been blessed in preaching the great truths of the Gospel; although we tacked to them, in the simplicity of our hearts, a proposition which was not true. (4.) “But does not our Church give this account of justifying faith?” I am sure she does of saving or Christian faith: I think she does of justifying faith too. But to the law and to the testimony. All men may err. But the word of the Lord shall stand for ever.

~ John Wesley

A cruel and unscriptural doctrine

John Fletcher: “Judicious Richard Baxter, by a variety of strong arguments, shows, that to represent assurance, or the kingdom of God in the Holy Ghost, as essential to all true faith, and promiscuously to shut up, in a state of damnation, all those to whom that “kingdom is not yet come with power,” is both cruel and unscriptural. (See the arguments in his Confession of Faith, from p. 189 to 214.)”

Turning from the truth

“See that sculler upon yonder river. The unwearied diligence and watchful skill with which he plies his two oars point out to us the work and wisdom of an experienced divine. What an even, gentle spring does the mutual effort of his oars give to his boat! Observe him: his right hand never rests but when the stream carries him too much to the left; he slacks not his left hand unless he is gone too much to the right; nor has he sooner recovered a just medium than he uses both oars again with mutual harmony. Suppose that for a constancy he employed but one, no matter which, what would be the consequence? He would only move in a circle; and if neither wind nor tide carried him along, after a hard day’s work he would find himself in the very spot where he began his idle toil.”

“This illustration needs very little explaining: I shall just observe that the Antinomian is like a sculler, who uses only his right hand oar; and the Pharisee, like him who plies only the oar in his left hand. One makes an endless bustle about grace and faith, the other about charity and works; but both, after all, find themselves exactly in the same case, with this single difference, that one has turned from truth to the right, and the other to the left.“

 ~ John Fletcher

Faith of assurance defined

“8. In August following, I had a long conversation with Arvin Gradin, in Germany. After he had given me an account of his experience, I desired him to give me, in writing, a definition of the full assurance of faith, which he did in the following words:

“Repose in the blood of Christ; a firm confidence in God and persuasion of his favor; the highest tranquillity, serenity, and peace of mind; with a deliverance from every fleshly desire, and a cessation of all, even inward, sins.”

This was the first account I ever heard from any living man, of what I had before learned myself from the oracles of God, and had been praying for (with the little company of my friends) and expecting for several years.”

John Wesley, A PLAIN ACCOUNT of CHRISTIAN PERFECTION

Essentials of saving faith under all dispensations

 “Some of my opponents, who find it easier to pass a jest than to answer an argument, will probably think that to beat me and the doctrine of the dispensations out of the field of truth, they need only laugh at my “inventing” different sorts of faith “by the dozen.”

“To nip this witticism in the bud, I declare, once more, that I make no more difference between the faith of a righteous heathen, and the faith of a father in Christ, than I do between daybreak and meridian light. That the light of a sincere Jew is as much one with the light of a sincere Christian, as the light of the sun in a cold, cloudy day in March, is one with the light of the sun in a fine day in May. And, that the difference between the saving faith peculiar to the sincere disciples of Noah, Moses, John the Baptist, and Jesus Christ, consists in a variety of degrees, and not in a diversity of species; saving faith under all dispensations agreeing in the following essentials: (1.) It is begotten by the revelation of some saving truth, presented by free grace, impressed by the Spirit, and received by the believer’s prevented free agency. (2.) It has the same original cause in all, that is, the mercy of God in Jesus Christ. (3.) It actually saves all, though in various degrees. (4.) Its sets all upon working righteousness; “some bearing fruit thirty, some sixty, and some a hundred fold.” And (5.) Through Christ it will bring all that do not make shipwreck of it, to one or another of “the many mansions,” which our Lord is gone to prepare in heaven for his believing, obedient people.” ~ John Fletcher

We have leaned too much toward Calvinism

EXTRACTS FROM THE MINUTES OF SOME LATE CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN THE REV. MR. WESLEY AND OTHERS, AT A PUBLIC CONFERENCE, HELD IN LONDON, AUGUST 7, 1770, AND PRINTED BY W. FINE, IN BRISTOL

Take heed to your doctrine. 

We said in 1744, 'We have leaned too much toward Calvinism.' Wherein?

1. With regard to man's faithfulness. Our Lord himself taught us to use the expression. And we ought never to be ashamed of it. We ought steadily to assert, on his authority, that if a man is not' ‘faithful in the unrighteous mammon,' God will not 'give him the true riches.'

2. With regard to working for life. This also our Lord has expressly commanded us. ' Labour,' (literally, 'work') 'for the meat that endureth to everlasting life.' And in fact every believer, till he comes to glory, works for, as well as from life.

3. We have received it as a maxim, that 'a man is to do nothing in order to justification.' Nothing can be more false. Whoever desires to find favour with God,—should 'cease from evil, and learn to do well.' Whoever repents, should do 'works meet for repentance.' And if this is not in order to find favour what does he do them for?

Review the whole affair.

1. Who of us is now accepted of God? "He that now believes in Christ, with a loving, obedient heart."

2. But who among those who never heard of Christ? "He that feareth God, and worketh righteousness according to the light he has."

3. Is this the same with 'he that is sincere?' "Nearly, if not quite."

4. Is not this 'salvation by works?' "Not by the merit of works, but by works as a condition."

5. What have we then been disputing about for these thirty years? "I am afraid, about words."

6. As to merit itself of which we have been so dreadfully afraid: we are rewarded, according to our works, yea, because of our works. How does this differ from, for the sake of our works? And how differs this from secundum merita operum, 'as our works deserve?' Can you split this hair? I doubt [you can], I cannot.

7. The grand objection to one of the preceding propositions is drawn from matter of fact. God does in fact justify those who by their own confession, 'neither feared God nor wrought righteousness.' Is this an exception to the general rule? "It is a doubt whether God makes any exception at all. But how are we sure that the person in question never did ' fear God and work righteousness?' His own saying so is not proof: for we know how all that are convinced of sin undervalue themselves in every respect."

8. Does not talking of a justified or sanctified state tend to mislead men? almost naturally leading them to trust in what was done in one moment? Whereas we are every hour and every moment pleasing or displeasing to God, according to our works: according to the whole of our inward tempers and our outward behaviour.

Paul recognizes three spiritual states: fathers, young men and little children

 1 John 2:12-17

12   I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name's sake. 

13   I write unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I write unto you, young men, because ye have overcome the wicked one. I write unto you, little children, because ye have known the Father. 

14   I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one. 

15   Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 

16   For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 

17   And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. 

1 John 2:12

I have written to you, beloved children - Thus St. John bespeaks all to whom he writes. But in 1Jn 2:13-27, he divides them particularly into "fathers," "young men," and "little children." Because your sins are forgiven you - As if he had said, This is the sum of what I have now written. He then proceeds to other things, which are built upon this foundation. 

1 John 2:13

The address to spiritual fathers, young men, and little children is first proposed in this verse, wherein he says, I write to you, fathers: I write to you, young men: I write to you, little children: and then enlarged upon; in doing which he says, "I have written to you, fathers," 1Jn 2:14. "I have written to you, young men," 1Jn 2:14-17. "I have written to you, little children," 1Jn 2:18-27. Having finished his address to each, he returns to all together, whom he again terms, (as 1Jn 2:12,) "beloved children." Fathers, ye have known him that is from the beginning - We have known the eternal God, in a manner wherein no other, even true believers, know him. Young men, ye have overcome the wicked one - In many battles, by the power of faith. Little children, ye have known the Father - As your Father, though ye have not yet overcome, by the Spirit witnessing with your Spirit, that ye are the children of God." 

1 John 2:14

I have written to you, fathers - As if he had said, Observe well what I but now wrote. He speaks very briefly and modestly to these, who needed not much to be said to them, as having that deep acquaintance with God which comprises all necessary knowledge. Young men, ye are strong - In faith. And the word of God abideth in you - Deeply rooted in your hearts, whereby ye have often foiled your great adversary. 

1 John 2:15

To you all, whether fathers, young men, or little children, I say, Love not the world - Pursue your victory by overcoming the world. If any man love the world - Seek happiness in visible things, he does not love God. 

1 John 2:16

The desire of the flesh - Of the pleasure of the outward senses, whether of the taste, smell, or touch. The desire of the eye - Of the pleasures of imagination, to which the eye chiefly is subservient; of that internal sense whereby we relish whatever is grand, new, or beautiful. The pride of life - All that pomp in clothes, houses, furniture, equipage, manner of living, which generally procure honour from the bulk of mankind, and so gratify pride and vanity. It therefore directly includes the desire of praise, and, remotely, covetousness. All these desires are not from God, but from the prince of this world. 

1 John 2:17

The world passeth away, and the desire thereof - That is, all that can gratify those desires passeth away with it. But he that doeth the will of God - That loves God, not the world. Abideth - In the enjoyment of what he loves, for ever. 

Oswald Chambers: “If what I had was all the Christianity there was, the thing was a fraud.”

“After I was born again as a lad I enjoyed the presence of Jesus Christ wonderfully, but years passed before I gave myself up thoroughly to His work. I was in Dunoon College as tutor of Philosophy when Dr. F.B. Meyer came and spoke about the Holy Spirit. I was determined to have all that was going, and went to my room and asked God simply and definitely for the baptism of the Holy Spirit, whatever that meant.”

“From that day on for four years nothing but the overruling grace of God and the kindness of friends kept me out of an asylum. God used me during those years for the conversion of souls, but I had no conscious communion with Him. The Bible was the dullest, most uninteresting book in existence, and the sense of depravity, the vileness and bad-motiveness of my nature, was terrific. I see now that God was taking me by the light of the Holy Spirit and His Word through every ramification of my being.”

“The last three months of those years, things reached a climax, I was getting very desperate. I knew no one who had what I wanted; in fact I did not know what I did want. But I knew that if what I had was all the Christianity there was, the thing was a fraud. Then Luke 11:13 got hold of me—‘If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask Him?’ But how could I, bad motived as I was, possibly ask for the Holy Spirit? Then it was borne in upon me that I had to claim the gift from God on the authority of Jesus Christ and testify to having done so.”

“But the thought came—if you claim the gift of the Holy Spirit on the word of Jesus Christ and testify to it, God will make it known to those who know you best how bad you are in heart. And I was not willing to be a fool for Christ’s sake. But those of you who know the experience, know very well how God brings one to the point of utter despair, and I got to the place where I did not care whether everyone knew how bad I was, I cared for nothing on earth, saving to get out of my present condition.”

“At a little meeting held during a mission in Dunoon, a well-known lady was asked to take the after meeting. She did not speak, but set us to prayer, and then sang ‘Touch me again, Lord’. I felt nothing, but I knew emphatically my time had come, and I rose to my feet. I had no vision of God, only a sheer dogged determination to take God at His word and to prove this thing for myself, and I stood up and said so. That was bad enough, but what followed was ten times worse.”  

“After I had sat down the lady worker, who knew me well, said: ‘That is very good of our brother, he has spoken like that as an example to the rest of you.’ Up I got again and said: ‘I got up for no one’s sake, I got up for my own sake; either Christianity is a downright fraud, or I have not got hold of the right end of the stick.’ And then and there I claimed the gift of the Holy Spirit in dogged committal on Luke 11:13. I had no vision of heaven or of angels, I had nothing, I was as dry and empty as ever, no witness of the Holy Spirit. Then I was asked to speak at a meeting, and forty souls came out to the front.” 

“Did I praise God? No, I was terrified and left them to the workers, and went to Mr. MacGregor and told him what had happened, and he said: ‘Don’t you remember claiming the Holy Spirit as a gift on the word of Jesus, and that He said: “Ye shall receive power…”? This is the power from on high.’ And like a flash something happened inside me, and I saw that I had been wanting power in my own hand, so to speak, that I might say—Look what I have by putting my all on the altar.”

“If the four previous years had been hell on earth, these five years have truly been heaven on earth. Glory be to God, the last aching abyss of the human heart is filled to overflowing with the love of God. Love is the beginning, love is the middle and love is the end. After He comes in, all you see is ‘Jesus only, Jesus ever.’ When you know what God has done for you, the power and the tyranny of sin is gone and the radiant, unspeakable emancipation of the indwelling Christ has come, and when you see men and women who should be princes and princesses with God bound up by the shows of things—oh, you begin to understand what the apostle meant when he said he wished himself accursed from Christ that men might be saved!”

 - Oswald Chambers

https://www.worthychristianforums.com/topic/211837-testimony-of-oswald-chambers-regarding-the-baptism-of-the-holy-spirit/

John Fletcher wakes to find himself a new creature

Excerpt from John Fletcher's journal @ age of 25, not long before his new birth: 

"I had purposed to receive the Lord's Supper the following Sunday; I therefore returned to my room, and looked out a sacramental hymn. I learned it by heart, and prayed it over many times, sometimes with heaviness enough, at others with some devotion, intending to repeat it at the table. I then went to bed, commending myself to God with rather more hope and peace than I had felt for some time. But Satan waked while I slept. I dreamed I had committed grievous and abominable sins; I awoke amazed and confounded, and rising with a detestation of the corruption of my senses and imagination, I fell upon my knees, and prayed with more faith and less wanderings than usual; and afterward went about my business with an uncommon cheerfulness.” 

“It was not long before I was tempted by my besetting sin, but found myself a new creature. My soul was not even ruffled. I took not much notice of it at first; but having withstood two or three temptations, and feeling peace in my soul, through the whole of them, I began to think it was the Lord's doing. Afterward it was suggested to me that it was great presumption for such a sinner to hope for so great a mercy. However, I prayed I might not be permitted to fall into a delusion; but the more I prayed, the more I saw it was real. For though sin stirred all the day long, I always overcame it in the name of the Lord.” 

"In the evening I read the experience of some of God's children, and found my case agreed with theirs, and suited the sermon I had heard on justifying faith; so that my hope increased. I entreated the Lord to do to his servant according to his mercy, and take all the glory to himself. I prayed earnestly and with an humble assurance, though without great emotions of joy, that I might have dominion over sin, and peace with God; not doubting but that joy and a full assurance of faith would be imparted to me in God's good time.” 

I continued calling upon the Lord for an increase of faith; for still I felt some fear of being in a delusion: and having continued my supplication till near one in the morning, I then opened my Bible on these words, Psa. lv, 22, 'Cast thy burden on the Lord, and he shall sustain thee; he will not suffer the righteous to be moved.' Filled with joy, I fell again on my knees to beg of God that I might always cast my burden upon him. I took up my Bible again, and opened it on these words, Deut. xxxi, 'I will be with thee, I will not fail thee, neither forsake thee; fear not, neither be dismayed.' My hope was now greatly increased; I thought I saw myself conqueror over sin, hell, and all manner of affliction. "With this comfortable promise I shut up my Bible, being now perfectly satisfied. As I shut it, I cast my eye on that word, 'Whatsoever you shall ask in my name, I will do it.' So having asked grace of God to serve him till death, I went cheerfully to take my rest."

From “A Short Account of the Life and Death of the Rev. John Fletcher, Vicar of Madelay” written by John Wesley

John Fletcher resolves to wait patiently for God and never give up hope

Excerpt from John Fletcher's journal @ age of 25, not long before his new birth: 

"Thursday, my fast day, Satan beset me hard; I sinned, and grievously too. And now I almost gave up all hope. I mourned deeply, but with a heart as hard as ever, I was on the brink of despair, and continued, nevertheless, to fall into sin, as often as I was assaulted with temptation. But I must observe that all this while, though I had a clear sense of my wickedness, and of what I deserved; and though I often thought that hell would be my portion, if God did not soon pity me, yet I never was much afraid of it. Whether this was owing to a secret hope lodged in my mind, or to hardness of heart, I know not; but I was continually crying out, 'What stupidity! I see myself hanging as by a thread over hell! and yet I am not afraid--but sin on! Oh what is man without the grace of God? a very devil in wickedness, though inferior to him in experience and power.' 

In the evening I went to a friend, and told him something of my present state; he endeavored to administer comfort, but it did not suit my case; there is no peace to a sinner unless it come from above. When we parted, he gave me some advice which suited my condition better: 'God (said he) is merciful; God loves you; and if he deny you anything, it is for your good; you deserve nothing at his hands; wait then patiently for him, and never give up your hope.' I went home resolved to follow his advice, though I should stay till death.

From “A Short Account of the Life and Death of the Rev. John Fletcher, Vicar of Madelay” written by John Wesley

John Fletcher's self-described Romans 7 condition prior to his new birth

Excerpt from John Fletcher's journal @ age of 25, not long before his new birth: 

"On Sunday the 19th, in the evening, I heard an excellent sermon on these words, 'Being justified by faith, we have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ.' I heard it attentively, but my heart was not moved in the least; I was only still more convinced that I was an unbeliever, that I was not justified by faith, and that till I was, I should never have peace with God. The hymn after the sermon suited the subject; but I could not join in singing it. So I sat mourning, while others rejoiced in God their Savior. I went home, still resolving to wrestle with the Lord like Jacob, till I should become a prevailing Israel."  

"I begged of God the following day to show me the wickedness of my heart, and to fit me for his pardoning mercy. I besought him to increase my convictions, for I was afraid I did not mourn enough for my sins. But I found relief in Mr. Wesley's Journal, where I learned that we should not build on what we feel; but go to Christ with all our sins, and all our hardness of heart. On the 21st, I began to write part of what filled my heart, namely, a confession of my sins, misery, and helplessness, together with a resolution to seek Christ, even unto death. But my business calling me away, I had no heart to resume the subject. In the evening I read the Scriptures, and found a sort of pleasure in seeing a picture of my wickedness so exactly drawn in the third chapter of the Epistle to the Romans, and that of my condition in the seventh.  And now I felt some hope that God would carry on in me the work he had begun."

Benson, Joseph. The Life of John Fletcher. Kindle Edition. 

CH Spurgeon: “The just Ruler dying for the unjust rebel”

“When I was in the hand of the Holy Spirit, under conviction of sin, I had a clear and sharp sense of the justice of God. Sin, whatever it might be to other people, became to me an intolerable burden. It was not so much that I feared hell, as that I feared sin; and all the while, I had upon my mind a deep concern for the honor of God’s name, and the integrity of His moral government. I felt that it would not satisfy my conscience if I could be forgiven unjustly. But then there came the question,—“How could God be just, and yet justify me who had been so guilty?” I was worried and wearied with this question; neither could I see any answer to it. Certainly, I could never have invented an answer which would have satisfied my conscience.”

“The doctrine of the atonement is to my mind one of the surest proofs of the Divine inspiration of Holy Scripture.”

“Who would or could have thought of the just Ruler dying for the unjust rebel? This is no teaching of human mythology, or dream of poetical imagination. This method of expiation is only known among men because it is a fact: fiction could not have devised it. God Himself ordained it; it is not a matter which could have been imagined. I had heard of the plan of salvation by the sacrifice of Jesus from my youth up; but I did not know anymore about it in my innermost soul than if I had been born and bred a Hottentot. The light was there, but I was blind: it was of necessity that the Lord Himself should make the matter plain to me. It came to me as a new revelation, as fresh as if I had never read in Scripture that Jesus was declared to be the propitiation for sins that God might be just. I believe it will have to come as a revelation to every newborn child of God whenever he sees it; I mean that glorious doctrine of the substitution of the Lord Jesus.” ~ CH Spurgeon

Spurgeon’s never-to-be-forgotten hour

“. . . we write of an hour which as far excelleth all other days of our life as gold exceedeth dross. As the night of Israel’s passover was a night to be remembered, a theme for bards, and an incessant fountain of grateful song, even so is the time of which we now tell, the never-to-be-forgotten hour of our emancipation from guilt, and our justification in Jesus. Other days have mingled with their fellows till, like coins worn in circulation, their image and superscription are entirely obliterated; but this day remaineth new, fresh, bright, as distinct in all its parts as if it were but yesterday struck from the mint of time.”

“. . . O hour of forgiven sin, moment of perfect pardon, our soul shall never forget thee while within her life and being find an immortality! Each day of our life hath had its attendant angel; but on this day, like Jacob at Mahanaim, hosts of angels met us. The sun hath risen every morning, but on that eventful morn he had the light of seven days. As the days of Heaven upon earth, as the years of immortality, as the ages of glory, as the bliss of Heaven, so were the hours of that thrice-happy day. Rapture divine, and ecstasy inexpressible, filled our soul. Fear, distress, and grief, with all their train of woes, fled hastily away; and in their place joys came without number.“ ~ C.H. Spurgeon

John Wesley’s decade long struggle between nature and grace

Excerpt from John Wesley’s testimony, in journal entry dated May 24, 1738:  In this vile, abject state of bondage to sin, I was indeed fighting continually, but not conquering. Before, I had willingly served sin; now it was unwillingly; but still I served it. I fell, and rose, and fell again. Sometimes I was overcome, and in heaviness: Sometimes I overcame, and was in joy. For as in the former state I had some foretastes of the terrors of the law, so had I in this, of the comforts of the Gospel. During this whole struggle between nature and grace, which had now continued above ten years, I had many remarkable returns to prayer; especially when I was in trouble: I had many sensible comforts; which are indeed no other than short anticipations of the life of faith. But I was still “under the law,” not “under grace:” (The state most who are called Christians are content to live and die in:) For I was only striving with, not freed from, sin. Neither had I the witness of the Spirit with my spirit, and indeed could not; for I “sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law.”

Not one uneasy thought. Not one unholy desire.

John Wesley’s journal, May 29, 1738, four days after his new birth experience at Aldersgate: “I set out for Dummer with Mr. Wolf, one of the first-fruits of Peter Bohler’s ministry in England. I was much strengthened by the grace of God in him: Yet was his state so far above mine, that I was often tempted to doubt whether we had one faith. But, without much reasoning about it, I holden here: “Though his be strong and mine weak, yet that God hath given some degree of faith even to me, I know by its fruits. For I have constant peace; - not one uneasy thought. And I have freedom from sin; - not one unholy desire.””